Mind Games!!!

Early on, you will be told that your body can run much longer than your mind will allow it – you know its that old adage – mind over matter. Well I guess that’s great if you want to bend spoons by looking at them at a party but how the hell does this help in endurance. The answer can be easily realized during your first couple of attempts. The first time, whether on a treadmill or on a track or on the road, you will be motivated, saying to your inner mind, “see I can do this”, “this isn’t so hard”, “boy isn’t it great to be outside and I look cool”. As you progress, this luster is short-lived and you quickly learn – RUNNING IS BORING – on the order of watching golf or paint dry, which I put in the same category, paint drying gets a slight advantage because it is adding value to society, unless you are tagging an underpass on the 405.

Anyway, lets face it, the mind, left alone, conjures up many things and during exercise, will continually try to talk you out of it – not sure if the mind is jealous of the body, but it rivals the fights my kids used to have riding shotgun in our SUV. In its effort to make you do something “mind-centric” like read a book or something, the mind generally tries to starts by reminding you of the repetition of running – the human hamster wheel. If you are at the gym and using a treadmill, this is why they have TV’s in front of the cardio stuff – to trick the mind, not to keep you up-to-date with Anderson Cooper’s sexuality or that Liverpool is playing Chelsea in England Premier soccer tournament, uh, I mean football. BTW, how come the soccer announcers sound like they speaking gibberish, what language did they speak before English, and don’t give me that Queen’s English crap.

But I digress, these TV’s have done such a great job of tricking the mind, many places actually limit the amount of time you can use the machines. The mind is being fed and is not overly jealous that the body is having fun, but this too doesn’t last. Eventually, the “mind” figures out that Anderson Cooper knows too muchabout teabagging to be straight and that there is nothing premier about watching soccer for 90 minutes with no goals and as a result, the “mind” wanders and eventually rebels. All of a sudden, you wont be able to read the closed caption on the TV’s and the timer on the treadmill will seem like its using a different measure of time – is that 25 minutes?, doooh its 25 seconds!!!!!!

The experienced gym rats generally start by changing the setting on the treadmill so the time isn’t constantly reminding them they have only gone half a mile in 6 minutes 23 seconds and it cycles the twenty different statistics with the time elapsed coming up every 25 seconds or so. This throws the mind off for alittle while, it tries to understand Pace, those little dots on the digital track and most importantly calories burned. Soon it figures it out and the last resort, and this is how you tell an experienced runner, they get an extra towel, not to wipe down the machine – which they never do, but rather to cover the high tech digital display of the treadmill. Could you image how aghast the product designers of the treadmill would be if they knew all their extensive research on ergonomics ultimately is compromised by a $3.50 towel that may, or may not, be clean. Sheesh.

This inner voice is not limited to just Fitness24 treadmills, it follows you around, regardless of how you try to trick it. You would think running outside provides all of stimulus for the senses and the “mind” For the first couple of weeks (maybe less), you are motivated by the scenery, dodging traffic and out-running the squirrels/dogs. By the way, what’s with the squirrels? I have this perception that squirrels are nice, flurry, friendly, cuddly animals – in some cases smart like Rocky. Never would I think they are aggressive or mean, but they are. I run on this trail nearby my home and at the same spot every time, there are a gang of “Killer Squirrels” that lie in wait for the next un-suspecting human. As you get closer, they coordinate their attack, one from the left, one from the right, one from behind – and they charge you, stopping just close enough to get my attention, but not closer enough to kick or even spit at. Now maybe this is just me, but I swear these Killer Squirrels have a hit on me, they do it when I’m on a BIKE!!!!!!!.

Anyway, the “mind” eventually catches on to your “look at the shiny object” strategy and it becomes worse, much worse. The “mind” outright rebels but this time its super-sized, it preys on everyone’s hypochondric tendencies. It goes something like this, you running for a given amount of time and your “mind” taps you on the shoulder, “hello, hello body is that you?” then goes for the jugular “Do you realize you are running?” and continues “uh hmm, you know running can hurt you knees”, “are your knees hurting?”, “no?, how about hips”, “no, how about the feet”. It’s relentless and then tries to talk you in stopping, “hey body, how about a break, you deserve it” “run up to that water fountain and walk – its better for you anyway”. Slowly it gains momentum and then evolves into the intensity of a Shamwow infomercial.

The bottom line is that the hardest part about running is NOT the physical aspect but rather keeping your mind occupied and not thinking about running – its alittle counter intuitive. This is why the walkman and subsequently the IPOD have a viable business model, the market isn’t responding an increase preference for music but rather is looking for a way to divert your mind from whatever onerous task it is consumed with. The IPOD has definitely taken this to a new level, with itunes and its podcasts/applications, there is a prolifera of ways to combat “mind” tricks and distract you from the fact that you are running. One caution here, if you like, like I do, the podcasts, be careful to keep your reactions to yourself. Many of times I got funny looks from people because I was laughing out loud during one of Adam Carolla’s podcasts while on a run. Or worse, arguing out loud with a podcast commentator that I disagree with. My wife has this annoying habit of listening to her favorite songs on her IPOD and then singing out loud. While normally she has a great voice, something about not getting the audio feedback causes her to sound like cats getting run over. Notwithstanding these challenges, the key here is to get the up hand on the mind games that your mind is playing.

Runner's Math

I should start by saying I like math. I enjoy the order and absoluteness of it –
no gray areas – either right or wrong – and you can use it everyday. I wasn’t the best student in the class (that was Betty Martin!!!) but always look forward to it and took Calculus in college as an elective, so at least it rates higher than badminton or underwater basket weaving. I get a rush figuring out formulas and differential equations, yes I am sick. Anyway, as I continue my pursuit of this “running” thing, I am beginning to understand that there is new set of theorems and paradigms that apply to runner’s, I call it Runner’s Math.

The first place to start in this discussion has to be the freakin metric system. Aren’t we done with this already, I grew up in the “progressive” era of ultra liberals who thought we were being bad Americans for not adopting the metric system and they tried to force feed the conversion. I remember baseball stadiums with outfield signs with both feet and meters – how stupid does it sounds to says Manny just crushed a homer 137 meters, or 1376 centimeters or how about .02 leagues. Vin Sully would roll over in his grave – wait he’s not dead. You get my drift, I like the current US system and don’t like the metric system, never have never will. I know everyone else (in the world) uses the metric system and yeah its easier every is divisible by ten’s, blah, blah, but not if you are living in both worlds. Let’s face it, its never happening here so we should just say uncle and move on. O.K. I feel better now.

Unfortunately, the running community didn’t get the memo on this and still embraces the metric system. They seamlessly move between discussions in metric terms and normal terms and don’t even realize it . For example, “I ran a 5K with a pace of 8:00 miles”. Huh? Kilometers, miles, minutes, what’s going on? They do it all the time!!!!! Let’s get real, no one is going to care about how fast you run a 1K, its always the mile, remember the standard used to be breaking the 4 minute mile. That’s another thing, we grow up driving and speed is measured as, you got it, MPH, miles per hour!!!!! Not minutes per mile. Picture this, getting pulled over by a cop and being told, you are getting a ticket for driving 2 minutes miles in 3 minutes zone, huh? I doesn’t work that way, except with runners.

I have an iphone (which I fought for awhile, but am glad I succumb to the temptation) and it comes with several cool applications, including a metric conversion tool. It allows me to effortlessly move among kilometers to miles to furloughs (in the rare horse racing translation!!!), from MPH to minutes per mile – its great!!!!! It even has this great feature that is speech enable, in that, based on user-defined setting it will basically tells you your progress. The key phrase here is “user-defined” and that’s where all this craziness started. I couldn’t seem to get it right. The first time I didn’t pay attention and it was set for km/hr. After hearing I was going between 11 to 13 KM/Hr for 50 minutes –my mind swirled, “was 11 good or bad?” “Is 13 better than 11?” “How many km equal a mile?” “Then try to convert to minutes”, I was mentally drained and ready to go postal. It was sort of like the Chinese water torture with an ipod or should I say iphone – drip, “you are going 11.5 km per hour”, drip, drip, “you are going 11.2km per hour” – you get the idea.

Sorry, I digress, back another aspect of Runner’s Math. I dont know when they learn this, but experienced runners have developed this rap that I call the frictionless environment, it goes something like this. If you can run 3 miles, then you can run 6 and if you can run 6 then you can run 12 and if you can 12 then run to the moon. You get the drift, it never ends – I get it, the point is, push yourself to your limits. However, the first time I ran 5K I thought I was going to die, in fact, I was afraid someone would put me down trying to alleviate my pain. The last thing I was thinking was, "wow I guess Im ready for 6 miles", rather where's the oxygen and maybe I can crawl to the giveaway tents. Don't get me wrong, there is a sliver of truth that you can always do more than you think, thats the rush, but dont let them fool with Runner's Math.

Activewear - The new fashion statement

OK, let me start by saying I grew up without sisters, although my brother cross dresses once in a while (it was just a phase he went through), and admittedly I have alot to learn about them -women that is (not cross dressers). I am continually surprised and amazed about the female species (thats a posting all by itself) and the way they think. For example, when I began running, I was naive enough to think, hey put on some shoes, socks optional, find the sweat pants without the draw string, take yesterday's t shirt, a dirty baseball cap and you are off. But Noooooo! As my wife, Janet, educated me there is a whole science of "Activewear" and strict protocols that need to be adhered to. First, I am confused by the term, "Activewear" I thought I was active in all my clothes, but apparently there is another state of clothes presumably "Passivewear". I just dont get it, the only non-activewear stuff is pajamas, right? possibly, slippers, maybe a shorty robe. In any case, as with so many things with the opposite sex, the concept of Activewear is obvious to all (women that is) and a prerequisite to any physical activity . Anyway, I am easy and will go with it, whatever "it" is, I am confident soon I will know.


So my first step here is to "google" Activewear and its implications to running. much to my chagrin - nearly 14 million hits!!! - and more advertisements that this month's Vogue - did you know Vogue has articles. This is overwhelming so I must prioritize and get focused on this Activewear thing. So I chat with other guy runners and ask about it. Man, I got alot of puzzled looks, but generally they all said, "the most important thing is your shoes" focus there and the rest will come easy. OK, I can do that, so back to google and narrowed my search to "running shoes". Shit, 17 million hits! but more stuff on technical specifications - hmmm - intriguing, something you should know. Over pronating, Stable, Motion Control, etc so many terms I couldnt sort out the marketing fluff from the true science (science makes it sound important). Not getting anywhere with the web and in fact am getting more confused - I surrender!

Next stop, my local running shoe store place and time for the Vulcan Mind Meld with the salesperson on the important things about running shoes. My sales clerk is quite helpful and examines my foot like the Florida election commissioners were looking a hanging chads, alot of focus, turning and twisting of my foot. Alot of Aha's and Hmm's while she is looking and then, like at a doctor, her prognosis, you are an size 8 1/2 and are blah blah blah blah. I would put what she said, but frankly I dont remember but it sounded fatal. From this point, you move into the interrogatory portion of the experience and get hammered with confusing questions, "what kind of runner are you?" Forward, I think or "Trail, roadwork or cross-training" Not sure, how to handle that one - can I phone a friend or ask the audience.

After completing the Nancy Grace-sque questioning, my clerk leaves me and i am contemplating, Did I give the right answers?, Maybe I should have lied about my weight or Much I was going to run. She returns with a stack of boxes, now mind you my previous shoe purchases go something like this, " do you have this in a 8 1/2, great, here's my credit card. So the stack of boxes is, yes great service, but definitely adding to the stress level. Like all shoe places, they bring out unlaced shoes that the clerk dutifully struggles to lace in front of you. I dont know about you, but i cant really tell if a shoe is comfortable unless it is properly laced, the except is crappy dress shoes which all feel uncomfortable - by design. I try on the first pair and she ask me to walk around in them. You would think that it, right, no - she takes me outside and says "run in them". Now this is both awkward and gay (not that there's anything wrong with it), they have a small alley and I am suppose to run 22 feet and be able to tell a good fit from a bad fit. Just for the record, unless the shoes have ninja spikes inflicting pain on my feet I usually am good. So unwittingly, with all this knowledge, I take my giant step toward being an Activewear stylist and select the cool looking shoes; shiny, racing stripes and expensive - forget about the science - its probably over-rated or is it........



Well, after several practice runs, I soon realized my shoe purchase process was flawed but we will save that for another post (needless to say ALOT of learning there). So after several weeks of therapy on my hips, I am back to running and feel like have conquered my fashion challenges. So I get ready for our first trail race, a nice 8K run, and I am ready. I get my shoes (replacements by the way), clothes - couple of wears, and the survival pack. The survival pack is where you carry stuff that you "might" need, you know, in case you get lost or eaten by an animal or something - usually weighting about a kids bowling ball. I am feeling great; prepared, ready and standing at the starting line with my wife. I look other at her, waiting for some compliment on my fashionista, and nothing, i mean nothing. So I fish for the compliment and without missing a beat (or taking her IPOD buds out), she blurts out - "You are not matching". What? Whats this matching thing? Bang! the start gun and we are off - she sprints off and i am left behind, confused and perplexed and a 8K Trail run ahead of me.


Matching? throughout the run, I am arguing with myself, what did she mean? So after the race, she proceeds to education me on the true tenets of Activewear. So here's a picture of me, from the race, and even as I look at it now, I think the outfit isnt too bad, mostly black, sport shorts, sunglasses on the hat, good to go. Nooooo. there are a couple dimensions to the matching concept vs the matching principle (thats for my accounting colleagues). First, there is the normal matching thing, colors are complimentary, not clashing, and everything is properly put on - rightwise, not inside out. This is the beginner's level of matching, there is an advanced level - matching by vendor, yes vendor. All Nike, or All Adidas or all blah blah. My fashion faux pas here is as follows; Brooks running shorts (spankies included), Under Armour long sleeve shirt, Adidas Hat, Ray Ban Sunglasses, Amipod - survival pack and finally New Balance shoes. Although I appear to look together, I am a wreck and candidate for the "worst dressed" list - a disaster. Talking about rocking my world, this put me in quite a quandary - back to square one.


So I go to what I formally called "workout clothes" and start going through the pile, just to see, if in fact, i could match with this new definition. Nope, couldnt do it, first of all, I dont know about women, but us men keep workout clothes well beyond the labels wearing out, and generally as long as the elastic can contain our "pony keg" waistlines. Like most husbands, I generally retain about 40% of the non-action related comments from my wife, so when she told me she was using our daugther's closet for a few things, it really didnt register - i heard her but didnt connect the dots. Like a major archeological find, I proceed to the said closet and here's what i find!!!! The mother lode of Activewear - color coordinated, vendor coordinated and more workout, uh I mean, Activewear than i have ever seen and this is just the overflow! There is more, good weather, bad weather, windy and cold, the potential categories are mind bogging - short runs, trail runs, skirts or should I say skorts (combination shorts and skirts) and of course by sport - running, tennis, golf and cross training. Cross training? is that like cross dressing? how can anyone keep this straight. Get this, according to my wife but unconfirmed, apparently they come out with new designs, whatever that means - sound s expensive - EVERY YEAR. Uncle, I give up, my mind is about to blow and so is my wallet.



OK, I get it - its a great aftermarket strategy for the manufacturers of this stuff, but how effective can this be? At our next race, I am very aware of the Activewear concept and start paying attention to our other racers. Much to my chagrin, alot, not all, of the females are wearing

coordinated outfits with several ensembles that I recognize from the "Activewear" closet. Sigh! I am not sure I can handle the pressure of this - not only am I challenged by the running itself, now I have to prepare for the Red frickin Carpet. My wife has greatly assisted me here by buying coordinated outfits and arranges them like garanimals clothes - you know match the labels and viola you have it. Even with this crutch, I still can't seem to pull the right clothes together, color matching yes, the other stuff - not happening. I think that about as far as I go, but needless to say, I am relegated to 10K Worst Dress list.

Introduction - Why I Run

Well, here's my story and Im sticking to it (unless of course you push me and then I'll fold like a lawn chair!!). About three years ago, I realized that I was becoming, if not already there, an oompla loompa or as my kids would say " fat man in a little suit!!!!!" The actual confirmation came, sadly, as we were doing our traditional "runaway from the family at xmas time" trip to Hawaii. As part of the trip, I planned a helicopter tour around Maui, a perfect way to see everything in a short period of time - you know time is money, uh I mean time away from the pool bar. Anyway, since there five of us, we got a helicopter for ourselves and the only issue was load balancing the helicopter. At the gate, they had, much to my wife dismay (no not a drug sniffing dog) was a SCALE- you know the thing you step on several times to get the lowest number. So they weigh each of us, presumably to properly load balance and ensure the aerodynamics of the helicopter, which if you think about it, does not instill confidence! Anyway, I get on the scale and tip it at 203 lbs, well if I was Shaquille Oneill's height that would be OK but instead Im closer to Tatum Oneill's. It was truly an eye opening event and I committed to do something about it.

First approach was to starve myself, well obviously that didnt work well - my desire for Big Macs overcame that! So I decided to start running for the quickest impact. Now unlike many on these running blogs, I did not run in high school or college and generally get winded walking upstairs to our bedroom. However, in a garage we have this really nice clothes storage device which actually doubles as a trendmill. So that was my start, after spending two weekends arranging the trendmill into the optimal training position - which means facing the TV, remote nearby, cordless phone, and the obligatory towel. Sounds easy, right?, Not so much - adjusting the volume on the TV, velcroing the remote and phone, and then making sure the cup holder is properly positioned - it can be tricky, btw, I tried the beer helmet idea but it was too messy.

So now I was ready, I put on my workout clothes, headband and proceeded to the clothes hamper, huh, i mean trendmill. I went slow at first, walking for a certain time, usually a TV show (that my measure of time - good thing i dont work for Seiko), and then I would gradually move from sitcoms to discovery channel and finally to mini-series. Once I got to an hour, which was about two weeks or so, I started moving the incline button and repeated the same process - a little move each time. Surprisingy, before I knew it, i was sweating like Richard Simmons at a Boy Scout Jamboree.

From there, I started walking for a specific pace, and again gradually increase it, then on to eventually running outside and doing races. Generally, I have been running shorter distances 8 to 12K and have lost alot of weight - 35+lbs!!! Hurray. I need to keep at it or I will find it - the weight that is and try to run 15 to 20 miles a week. It has been great for stress and work and I enjoy it (cant believe I just said that). I never planned on running a marathon but did just finish my first half and enjoyed it. I consider myself a beginner and didnt consider myself a "runner" until a couple of weeks ago, at a race, they had the pace groupings at the start and my pace was titled "Runners". So I think I have arrived, well kinda.

So thats the reader's digest version, and it was, is, a journey that took me to me to several places that I never thought I go. I want to use this blog to chronicle this journey and share my successes and failures in it. And believe me there were plenty of failures, but thats part of it too. Alot of people helped me with this, some knew they were helping, some did not. I am hoping this odyssey will get some people off the couch and start motivating them, but if not, maybe they will start looking in between the cushions. Eventually, I will divulge, (my Geraldo teaser) the background of the title of this blog, so if you arent interested in my running adventures, stay tuned for that explanation. So take that, I started my 2009 resolution!!!!