Activewear - The new fashion statement

OK, let me start by saying I grew up without sisters, although my brother cross dresses once in a while (it was just a phase he went through), and admittedly I have alot to learn about them -women that is (not cross dressers). I am continually surprised and amazed about the female species (thats a posting all by itself) and the way they think. For example, when I began running, I was naive enough to think, hey put on some shoes, socks optional, find the sweat pants without the draw string, take yesterday's t shirt, a dirty baseball cap and you are off. But Noooooo! As my wife, Janet, educated me there is a whole science of "Activewear" and strict protocols that need to be adhered to. First, I am confused by the term, "Activewear" I thought I was active in all my clothes, but apparently there is another state of clothes presumably "Passivewear". I just dont get it, the only non-activewear stuff is pajamas, right? possibly, slippers, maybe a shorty robe. In any case, as with so many things with the opposite sex, the concept of Activewear is obvious to all (women that is) and a prerequisite to any physical activity . Anyway, I am easy and will go with it, whatever "it" is, I am confident soon I will know.


So my first step here is to "google" Activewear and its implications to running. much to my chagrin - nearly 14 million hits!!! - and more advertisements that this month's Vogue - did you know Vogue has articles. This is overwhelming so I must prioritize and get focused on this Activewear thing. So I chat with other guy runners and ask about it. Man, I got alot of puzzled looks, but generally they all said, "the most important thing is your shoes" focus there and the rest will come easy. OK, I can do that, so back to google and narrowed my search to "running shoes". Shit, 17 million hits! but more stuff on technical specifications - hmmm - intriguing, something you should know. Over pronating, Stable, Motion Control, etc so many terms I couldnt sort out the marketing fluff from the true science (science makes it sound important). Not getting anywhere with the web and in fact am getting more confused - I surrender!

Next stop, my local running shoe store place and time for the Vulcan Mind Meld with the salesperson on the important things about running shoes. My sales clerk is quite helpful and examines my foot like the Florida election commissioners were looking a hanging chads, alot of focus, turning and twisting of my foot. Alot of Aha's and Hmm's while she is looking and then, like at a doctor, her prognosis, you are an size 8 1/2 and are blah blah blah blah. I would put what she said, but frankly I dont remember but it sounded fatal. From this point, you move into the interrogatory portion of the experience and get hammered with confusing questions, "what kind of runner are you?" Forward, I think or "Trail, roadwork or cross-training" Not sure, how to handle that one - can I phone a friend or ask the audience.

After completing the Nancy Grace-sque questioning, my clerk leaves me and i am contemplating, Did I give the right answers?, Maybe I should have lied about my weight or Much I was going to run. She returns with a stack of boxes, now mind you my previous shoe purchases go something like this, " do you have this in a 8 1/2, great, here's my credit card. So the stack of boxes is, yes great service, but definitely adding to the stress level. Like all shoe places, they bring out unlaced shoes that the clerk dutifully struggles to lace in front of you. I dont know about you, but i cant really tell if a shoe is comfortable unless it is properly laced, the except is crappy dress shoes which all feel uncomfortable - by design. I try on the first pair and she ask me to walk around in them. You would think that it, right, no - she takes me outside and says "run in them". Now this is both awkward and gay (not that there's anything wrong with it), they have a small alley and I am suppose to run 22 feet and be able to tell a good fit from a bad fit. Just for the record, unless the shoes have ninja spikes inflicting pain on my feet I usually am good. So unwittingly, with all this knowledge, I take my giant step toward being an Activewear stylist and select the cool looking shoes; shiny, racing stripes and expensive - forget about the science - its probably over-rated or is it........



Well, after several practice runs, I soon realized my shoe purchase process was flawed but we will save that for another post (needless to say ALOT of learning there). So after several weeks of therapy on my hips, I am back to running and feel like have conquered my fashion challenges. So I get ready for our first trail race, a nice 8K run, and I am ready. I get my shoes (replacements by the way), clothes - couple of wears, and the survival pack. The survival pack is where you carry stuff that you "might" need, you know, in case you get lost or eaten by an animal or something - usually weighting about a kids bowling ball. I am feeling great; prepared, ready and standing at the starting line with my wife. I look other at her, waiting for some compliment on my fashionista, and nothing, i mean nothing. So I fish for the compliment and without missing a beat (or taking her IPOD buds out), she blurts out - "You are not matching". What? Whats this matching thing? Bang! the start gun and we are off - she sprints off and i am left behind, confused and perplexed and a 8K Trail run ahead of me.


Matching? throughout the run, I am arguing with myself, what did she mean? So after the race, she proceeds to education me on the true tenets of Activewear. So here's a picture of me, from the race, and even as I look at it now, I think the outfit isnt too bad, mostly black, sport shorts, sunglasses on the hat, good to go. Nooooo. there are a couple dimensions to the matching concept vs the matching principle (thats for my accounting colleagues). First, there is the normal matching thing, colors are complimentary, not clashing, and everything is properly put on - rightwise, not inside out. This is the beginner's level of matching, there is an advanced level - matching by vendor, yes vendor. All Nike, or All Adidas or all blah blah. My fashion faux pas here is as follows; Brooks running shorts (spankies included), Under Armour long sleeve shirt, Adidas Hat, Ray Ban Sunglasses, Amipod - survival pack and finally New Balance shoes. Although I appear to look together, I am a wreck and candidate for the "worst dressed" list - a disaster. Talking about rocking my world, this put me in quite a quandary - back to square one.


So I go to what I formally called "workout clothes" and start going through the pile, just to see, if in fact, i could match with this new definition. Nope, couldnt do it, first of all, I dont know about women, but us men keep workout clothes well beyond the labels wearing out, and generally as long as the elastic can contain our "pony keg" waistlines. Like most husbands, I generally retain about 40% of the non-action related comments from my wife, so when she told me she was using our daugther's closet for a few things, it really didnt register - i heard her but didnt connect the dots. Like a major archeological find, I proceed to the said closet and here's what i find!!!! The mother lode of Activewear - color coordinated, vendor coordinated and more workout, uh I mean, Activewear than i have ever seen and this is just the overflow! There is more, good weather, bad weather, windy and cold, the potential categories are mind bogging - short runs, trail runs, skirts or should I say skorts (combination shorts and skirts) and of course by sport - running, tennis, golf and cross training. Cross training? is that like cross dressing? how can anyone keep this straight. Get this, according to my wife but unconfirmed, apparently they come out with new designs, whatever that means - sound s expensive - EVERY YEAR. Uncle, I give up, my mind is about to blow and so is my wallet.



OK, I get it - its a great aftermarket strategy for the manufacturers of this stuff, but how effective can this be? At our next race, I am very aware of the Activewear concept and start paying attention to our other racers. Much to my chagrin, alot, not all, of the females are wearing

coordinated outfits with several ensembles that I recognize from the "Activewear" closet. Sigh! I am not sure I can handle the pressure of this - not only am I challenged by the running itself, now I have to prepare for the Red frickin Carpet. My wife has greatly assisted me here by buying coordinated outfits and arranges them like garanimals clothes - you know match the labels and viola you have it. Even with this crutch, I still can't seem to pull the right clothes together, color matching yes, the other stuff - not happening. I think that about as far as I go, but needless to say, I am relegated to 10K Worst Dress list.